Why would you like to know?

Nannyp · Why would you like to know?

Rather than distract from Elaine's thread, I thought I'd start a new one.

I like your response Dawn, to people asking questions, often with no thought to why they are asking.

I, like you, cannot avoid telling the truth when asked a question, so I too cannot say, "Fine" when asked how I am, if I am not okay. It is also something I learned to do, and cannot now remember when I started answering more honestly. I know that when I was teaching assertiveness skills, it was something that came up in that...but am sure I had been doing this for some time before then.

Anyway, who else answers truthfully when questioned about health, and what others ideas do you have for answering?

Why do you think you answer, "Fine", when maybe you're not?

Is it because you know the person asking is asking from their polite place and not really wanting to know how you are?

Maybe this should be in self help, although I'm not sure it's that specific.

dingsy

I too attempt to be as honest as possible-although at times, with nearest and dearest, I will gloss over how bad it is. Last night for example, the pain (which we now are pretty certain is caused by nothing more sinister than nerve damage-"only nerve damage"-

) was pretty bad. I unbelievably then discovered that i had no painkillers....I keep all meds in a cupboard in the kitchen, with the exception of painkilers which are in a drawer in my bedside cabinet. What I thought to be a full box of codeine, was a box of anti-nausea meds-heaven knows how it got there. Anyhow, the pain was shooting all over the place, and it was excrutiating-and yet I said to Brian that it wasn't too bad, for him to go off to bed, and I'd come through when/if it calmed down. Why? There was very little, other than going into the ward and admitting how dozy I had been-that we could do at that point.

But on a day to day level, I try to answer honestly. I always have-it's just in my nature. In fact, when younger, if ever I did try to tell an untruth, I'd stammer and blush uncontrollably, so suspect there's little point in trying to do otherwise. I've toughened up a bit recently too-if people wan to ask how I am, then fine-but they'd better be prepared to hear something other than "fine".

dragonfly

I find most people only ask questions because they are being nosy and want to use the information to bitch or be the first person with the gossip..

Very rarely is there a care behind it.

When people enquire about your health most of the time i think they is just asking because its poilte and they dont really want to know.

Then again, ive not been surrounded by particlar nice people in the last 15 years so maybe im pretty cynical about it.

Nannyp

You, cynical? never

I am sure, if you have been surrounded by those types of people, it is going to leave you feeling cynical Sarah.

Elaine, I have a question, and I'll tell you why I want to know.

I want to know, cos I care.

So, my question.

Why didn't you go to the ward and ask for help? I know the hospital is close enough. I also know that Brian would be really upset if he thought you'd hidden the pain from him.

Go on, persuade me that it was a good plan

dingsy

Sarah-your post really saddens me. There are lots of decent and kind people in the world, who do genuinely care for others. I agree that there can be an element of nosiness with some people-but you can usually spot them a mile away.

Kathy, I was so mad at myself for being so silly, that I viewed it as a "serves me right".Fortunately the night passed quite quicky-I think I dosed on and off, although I took paracetamol a few times. Moving around and rocking back and forth also helped, so I may have found a few tricks to help me out in future!I feel having done this once,I'll be more careful about keeping an eye on exactly how much of any specific med I have left.

Today has been ok though-Brian went to the chemist for me (it's attatched to out gp's surgery), and explained the situation. They phoned the out of hours doc who faxed trough a prescription within minutes-and we even got it for free(all cancer patients have qualified to have free prescriptions since the start of April). I'll go and see my gp on Tuesday (I'm a"green light" so will always be seen the same day) and follow my onc's suggestion of alternative painkillers-gabapentin in the first instance.Feeling tired today-so hope I really have learned my lesson.

Nannyp

Serves you right?

Damn it, if this was not in chat, I'd be saying more.

I have another question.

I'll ask it elsewhere.

patweb

angelfruit

Tend to agree with Pat and Sarah (somewhat).

I would like to think that more people ask after our welfare because they are genuinely interested than not. However, people will frequently ask (perhaps in that irritatingly-American 'How are you today?' kind of stylie) - which really doesn't deserve anything other than 'Fine, thank you?'

I also find that in the workplace a response of 'Why do you want to know?' or 'What do you want it for?' is working wonders. I have one very, very senior manager who will frequently ask me for something and interrupt my work schedule. I would go about the task of finding out the information he wanted, only to spend two hours on a task and to discover that he had also asked the same thing of X, Y and Z further up the office! We were all spending several hours searching for something that invariably didn't exist!

Now, when he asks me for something I always respond with 'What do you want it for?' and 'Who else have you asked for it?' before I do anything. Nowadays, he seldom comes bothering me for it! LOL

Nannyp

dingsy

I think a lot of the "how are you?" questions should effectively be considered as statments which fill a void.Much like comments about weather, they're meant to be innocuous, and it's only when they're directed at someone vulnerable that they become offensive/misplaced.

katieqr

it depends who s asking cos i get fed up hearing myself going on about ailments lol