Guilt?

dragonfly · Pioneer Joined: 13 Feb 2007 Posts: 1507 Location: Wales

Recently, my next door neighbours house and car has been targetting y vandals.
Today, i find out why.

Last september he was arrested for "kiddi fiddling" (not my words). He lived alone with shared custody of his 8 year old daughter.
A neighbour told dan today.

When dan was taking out the rubbish, the neighbour who was questioned came out and spoke to him and said his side of the story.
He was away camping, with his daughter and her friend. She and her friend slept in the same bed and somthing happened ie he touched one of them while he was alseep. He doesnt remember, all he know is he getting beaten up, his house and car are always being trashed and he never gets to see his daughter and will never.

We dont have a garden, or a relationship with our neighour other than "hello". There never was or never will be a risk to danni.

Dont know what to think... what if that poor girl was being touched while i slept just on the other side of the wall.

Nannyp · Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 7:45 pm Post subject: Re: Guilt?

dragonfly · Pioneer Joined: 13 Feb 2007 Posts: 1507 Location: Wales

I dont believe theres smoke without fire.

Its awful.

Although she never seemed timid of her dad.

Nannyp · Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 11:30 am Post subject:

I agree...and I think it is as well for you to listen to your gut feelings.

He shouldn't have been sleeping near enough to two 8 year olds, to risk that he "touched them in his sleep"! What a crap excuse.
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MandyJ · connector Joined: 03 May 2008 Posts: 99

Can be devil's advocate here please?
What if the child misinterpreted, made it up? How was it proved?
Children have been made so aware of this now that I'm not sure they can always be trusted to interpret situations fully
Just a thought....

Hecateh · Foundation Stone Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1993

I too have such mixed feelings about this

I certainly would not allow that man to be on his own with children again but I hate trial by media.

When I worked supervising the access of children with parents there was one situation where a man was forbidden for ever being alone with his children (there were three of them) if one wanted to go to the loo I had to take all of them with me.

His 'crime'. He was 24 and had had an affair with a girl of 15 - wrong though this may have been, it did not make him a threat to his own children.

on the other hand - the fact that his own daughter was not afraid of him is no prover of innocence - there are plenty of men who do unacceptable things to children but believe it is ok because they don't 'hurt' the child (ie what they do does not cause physical pain) and children who have this from a young age are, in many cases, 'ok' with it at the time, as they know no different.

Without knowing all the facts - and from a 'neighbour's' view and then his own story I doubt you have come anywhere near the 'truth' .

My own position is to not judge - but ensure that, in case it is true, there is no way it can happen again.

The fact that it may or may not have happened in a location physically close to you is irrelevant really - For every child this happens to it is an abomination whether it is next door or in the next country or the other side of the world. We may feel it differently when it is close BUT in reality it just isn't
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MandyJ · connector Joined: 03 May 2008 Posts: 99

That "crime" of a 24 year old and a 15 year old is something else I feel ambivalent about, similar relationships take place all the time and they do NOT make the man a paedophile. There was a case locally recently - and 18 year old and a 15 year old - he is now on the sex offenders register. Now I think we have let things get out of hand, many 14/15 year old girls are sexually active and know exactly what they are doing and I find it quite unacceptable that the boys/men are treated in this way. We are confusing issues here and we should really stop and have a good hard look at our attitudes to child "abuse" and how easy it is for children to destroy adults' lives for no real reason.

dragonfly · Pioneer Joined: 13 Feb 2007 Posts: 1507 Location: Wales

Mandy.. if he is innocent then he has lost everything.
His jobs, his homes being trashed regularly, his cars gone. He lives a reclusive life now and also, his daughter. friends have turned away.
neighbours in street pulling there kids away from his sigth line (yes including me)

I hope he is inncocent... because i cant handle the thought of what was happening the other side of the wall to where is sleep safely in my own bed at night.
But he is punished forever... harsh price to pay for a misunderstanding.

As for at 18 year old being on the sex offenders register for sleeping with a 15 eyar old.. thats just ghastly...
I was 15 years old when i lost my viriginty and my boyfriend was 18.. i 100 percent knew what i was doing. I had an adults body and adult hormones!